


Don't Let Go of Me

by Samrose1994



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Endgame Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen, F/M, Flirty Cyrus Goodman, Fluff, Gay Disaster T. J. Kippen, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Muffy - Freeform, Oblivious Cyrus Goodman, Sad T. J. Kippen, Smitten Cyrus Goodman, Smitten T. J. Kippen, T. J. Kippen Has a Crush, Trans Male Character, Trans TJ, Trans!TJ, platonic tarty, trans!marty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-05-14 15:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19276573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samrose1994/pseuds/Samrose1994
Summary: TJ Kippen is Trans and no one at Jefferson knows but soon that will change.





	1. Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Au where costume day never happened but everything prior did.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ Kippen is Trans and no one at Jefferson knows. He wants to keep it that way. He doesn't know how his friends, most importantly, how Cyrus, may react if they found out the truth. But after an eventful day if sledding, everything is about to change.

TJ was a boy. He had always felt like a boy. Even when he was young, and he would be put into cutesy little dresses like the girls in his class(he knows some boys wear dresses, he just doesn't feel great in them.), or when people would call him she/her, or when the other boys would exclude him because "No Girls Allowed", he knew he was a boy.

In the third grade, his wonderful mother, let him chop off his long hair and let him start wearing "boy's clothes." Some kids were mean of course but his big sister, Amber, wouldn't let anyone mess with him.

He remembers his best friend from elementary school, Jay. Jay promised to be his best friend. But as soon as he started dressing more like a traditional boy, Jay made fun of him for being a freak. It broke his heart.

TJ began forcing himself to be meaner, tougher, anything to make himself seem more masculine. He desperately wanted to pass. He did not want anyone to question who he was, that he was a boy. Unfortunately, one thing held him up from being able to hide that he was a trans boy, everyone in his class remembered when he presented as a girl, and many of them never quite treated him like a "real" boy. It was not fair. He was a boy just like all the other guys in his class but just because he was born with different parts, he was treated differently.

This all changed in middle school. Shadyside had a few different schools depending where you lived in town. TJ's mother talked to the school district, and managed to get him sent to Jefferson. It was across town from him and no one from his elementary school would be there. Only a few teachers would know that he was trans. This was an opportunity for him to blend it.

Unfortunately, this was also a time where puberty was kicking in. So even though he was in a new school, he was still nervous. He began binding the summer before 6th grade. On his first day of Jefferson, he made sure everyone knew that he was a tough guy that should not be messed with. He established himself early as a bully. He figured no one could hurt him if he pushes them away first He also made it clear that he was the best basketball player and by the end of the year he knew he was going to be the captain of the basketball team the following year. Plus he was so glad that he was allowed in the boys team, no question. He goes out of his way though to stay after practice to clean up so he doesn't have to deal with the locker room awkwardness. He has pulled it off, no one knew his secret.

By 7th grade, he could basically do anything. He was a popular jock. But he also had built up a thick wall around him. That's when Buffy Driscoll ruined everything for him. How could coach let a girl on the team? It was a boy only space. No one questioned him being in it because everyone knew he was a boy. Then here comes Buffy, a girl, intruding in. Plus...she was just as good of a player as him. That's really scared him. Basketball was all he had. He wasn't good at math, he felt like a freak whenever he looked in the mirror, he had to work harder and harder to keep his voice deep, but basketball made him feel like he was worth something.

So he was a jerk to her. Part of him felt bad about it but he needed to protect himself. He was even crappy when he was forced to ask her to tutor him. He was doing fine at keeping up being mean until she introduced him to that short, adorable, dork, Cyrus. The moment TJ laid eyes on him and his cute smile, he felt like his world was going to crash down around him. On one hand, he loved that he helped this sweet cutie get a muffin. It made him feel like a tough protector, very manly.

But on the other hand, the butterflies in his stomach were making him feel weak. He can't believe his first crush...is on a guy. He couldn't believe it, not only was he trans, but now he is worried he is gay too. But no matter how worried about getting close to Cyrus or being gay he was, he couldn't help himself.

He remembers seeing the boy swinging alone and he could of just passed by but he didn't. Against his better judgement, he walked up to the boy and started to talk. He was a little saddened when Cyrus thought of him as a scary basketball guy, but that was his own fault. But when he said his name, Cyrus said he knew. TJ smiled to himself thinking about Cyrus knowing his name. .And then that boy smiled at him...no for him.That beautiful smile was for TJ and TJ alone. Cyrus was enjoying hanging out with TJ. TJ thinks about how he laughed and screamed while TJ pushed him on the swing. When his hands touched Cyrus' back, he almost forgot to breathe. Then he ran under the swing and yelled "Underdog." That's when he got to see Cyrus' sweet face as he was swinging.

It was a few weeks later though that he knew for sure that Cyrus had his heart. TJ was angry about feeling stupid and not being allowed in the game. He decided letting Cyrus get close to him was too much of a risk at that moment. He was so mean when Cyrus came to check on him. But then instead of giving up, that persistent boy followed TJ. Cyrus had left the game where his best friend was the star to be with him. Cyrus managed to help him with his feelings towards his learning disability. When he said there was nothing wrong him, TJ knew this Cyrus could see past the mean exterior he put up, and still liked what he saw underneath. And like that TJ's walls started to crumbled down, even if it was just for Cyrus at first. 

In the year that followed, he started opening up for others too. He lost some friends, Reed and Lester, but gained better ones in Cyrus' friends. He has to admit he was a little nervous at first with Jonah, given that they played little league together but it's fine. Jonah either doesn't remember that TJ is trans or is just respectful enough not to out him.

He was truly happy right now. It was the first time in his life he felt good about everything going on. It was the weekend during the winter break of his eighth grade year. He, Amber, Andi, Buffy, Marty, Jonah, and of course, Cyrus, were going sledding. They meet up at The Spoon, and walk over to the tallest hill in Shadyside together. On the way over Cyrus is visibly nervous.

Cyrus lets out a nervous laugh. "So anyways, I think I will stay back on the top of the hill and watch every one's stuff. I'm cool not sledding."

Buffy rolls her eyes. "You know you have to face your fear sometime. Come on sledding can be fun."

"Yea, didn't you dirt bike a few months ago? This is way less scary." Andi chimes in. 

"Wrong. I had a helmet and padding on. There is nothing separating me and the icy ground if I fall out of the sled. " Cyrus retorts.

TJ lets out a little huff of a laugh. "Underdog, you can go down with me if you want. I mean I can protect you from the ground. I promise I won't let go." TJ smiles. Andi and Buffy exchange knowing looks. TJ become self conscious all of a sudden. "I mean of course if you want to...you don't have to."

"No actually that would be great. Cross another thing off my bucket list. But you gotta keep your promise to protect me, deal?" Cyrus smiles and slips in a little wink. 

TJ blushes but hopes people don't notice because of the cold air. His heart feels like it is going to beat out of his chest. He wonders if Cyrus realizes that he is flirting. No, of course he is not flirting. He is probably not even gay. TJ is just reading too much into it, right? He composed himself and says "Deal, Cy."

"Alright Cyrus!" Jonah pats him on the back. "You're going to sled!" TJ subconsciously gets a little jealous of the smile Cyrus flashes at Jonah but ignores the feeling.

They finish making their way to the hill. Marty and Buffy waste no time, already making it a contest to see who can get down to the bottom first. The others are moving more leisurely. Despite the earlier conversation, TJ notices Cyrus standing back. He looks apprehensively at the hill.

TJ walks up to him and says softly, "You don't have to do this, Cyrus." He tries to ignore how close Cyrus is to him right now. He can't believe Cyrus can make him feel so weak.

"No Teej, I...I want to. Let's um do this, okay?" He gives a small smile.

TJ leads the shorter boy over to sleds. He sits down in the back of a long plastic sled and puts his leg on either side of it so Cyrus has room to get in. TJ says one more time. "You don't have to Underdog."

"No I'm going to." Cyrus gets into the sled as confidently as he can. His back is resting against TJ's chest. TJ is pretty sure Cyrus can feel his heart pounding even through a thick winter coat, a hoodie, a t-shirt and his binder. Cyrus says "Now remember, you said you promise you won't let go." The brunette says while looking down at TJ's hands just resting on the sides of them. 

"Oh...yeah ..um...sorry." TJ nervously wraps his arms around Cyrus' body. He keeps telling himself that this is no big deal. You are just helping your friend. "Ready, Muffin?" TJ suddenly gets really stiff. He can't believe that came out of his mouth.

"What did you just call me?" Cyrus twists his head around to look at the blonde. 

"Oh God, I'm sorry...it just came out...I'm sorry…" TJ starts to ramble.

"No, it's fine. It's cute." Cyrus gives a big smile before turning back around.

Cute. Did Cyrus just call something he did, cute? His head was racing with so many thoughts. He has to remind himself to kick off.

"As I was saying, ready?"

Cyrus nods as TJ kicks off. He feels Cyrus place his own hands over TJs arms as they speed down the hill. Cyrus is yelling like he did that first day at the swing set. TJ can't see his face but know he smiling. And TJ is smiling too like a love struck idiot. He couldn't be gladder that Cyrus could not see him. 

Eventually they come to a stop at the bottom of the hill. Cyrus turns his head to look back at TJ again. "That was exhilarating!"

"I told you I would not let anything happen to you." TJ gives a big grin then stares at Cyrus for a moment. Suddenly he realizes he is still holding onto Cyrus' waist. He haistedly goes to remove his arms.

"You could of left your arms there for a bit longer." Cyrus says casually. Oh God, TJ thought, was Cyrus really flirting with him? He doesn't know how it is possible but his heart was beating even faster. Luckily he is saved by Andi calling out to them from the too if the hill.

"Are you guys going to sled some more or sit there all day?" TJ sees Amber giggle by her side. 

"We should get back up there." TJ says nervously. 

"Yes, that's a good idea." Cyrus agrees before both boys get up and walk back up the hill. The kids spend the rest of the afternoon sledding and then head back to Cyrus' dad's house to warm up. Everyone brought clothes to change into because the snow made the clothes they were wearing soaked.

Marty goes up to the second floor bathroom to change. Unfortunately, Marty doesn't realize someone is already in there when he opens the door to find TJ in the middle of changing. TJ looks mortified as the other boy quickly closes the door, apologizing as he does. TJ's back was to the door, so he isn't sure what Marty saw but he definitely feels exposed. All the worst scenarios play through his head. What if Marty goes and tells everyone what happened? He is pretty sure his friends wouldn't hate him or anything but what if they treat him differently if they knew.

He finishes putting his clothes on and slides quietly out of the bathroom. Marty isn't in the hallway, and he is relieved that he doesn't have to face him yet. He needs a bit before he goes downstairs. He sees an empty guest room a few doors down, so he goes in there to collect his thoughts. He sits on the edge of some really nicely made bed.

He is still in shock over what happened. How could he be so careless to not lock the door? He did so good blending in. He had so many plans. This coming summer, he had convinced his mom to let him start taking T. But now, no matter what he does, his friends are going to see him like his old classmates did. God, just when things were going right. 

Then another thought crossed his mind. This is going to blow his chance with Cyrus. How could Cyrus want him if he knew the truth. He felt so defeated. All he wants to do is go home and lay in bed. And to think, a few hours ago, he had Cyrus against his chest and if he did not know any better, he swore Cyrus was flirting with him. He sits alone with his thoughts for a while.

He does not realize how much time he had been in that room until he hears a faint knock on the door.

"Teej? Can I come in?" It's Cyrus. His voice sounds so little. TJ knew it, Cyrus must be disappointed about TJ's secret. 

TJ takes all his strength to say "Come in…" He does not turn his head to face Cyrus as he comes into the room. He is not strong enough to face him.

Cyrus speaks first. *TJ, I'm so sorry.'

This catches the blonde off guard. He turns around to meet Cyrus' eyes "Wait, why are you sorry? You didn't do anything." 

"I made you feel so uncomfortable today...that's why you are you here avoiding everyone."

"Underdog, I don't know what you are talking about. I'm so confused." TJ scrunches his eyebrows up.

Cyrus starts rambling. "Today, when we were sledding. I mean before we were sledding, Buffy and Andi got it into my head that maybe you liked me the way I liked you. Buffy said I should face my fear and put myself out there. So when you met up with us, I had an idea. I tried my best to flirt, and I thought you may have been flirting back. Like you called me muffin and you held onto my waist for a long time, and I think I read to much into it. I crossed a line and now you can't even be in the same room as me.'

Did Cyrus Goodman just tell him he likes him too. TJ can feel his cheeks go bright red. He is blushing like crazy. Marty must have kept the secret to himself if Cyrus thinks this is the issue. "Wait. Cyrus? Is that what you think? You think I don't want to be in the same room as you? You have to be the oblivious one. I like you so much...I just can't believe you like, like me too." Cyrus steps closer to TJ as the older boy continues to speak. "I loved holding you close to me and I love anytime that I'm with you. I love listening to you talk about anything, and I love that I feel like I can be myself around you. I love when our hands brush together and I love when you smile at me like I'm the only one in the room. I'm not really sure what it means to be in love but if I had to guess, I would say I'm in love with you."

Cyrus' face was now mirroring in redness from blushing. "You mean that Teej?"

"I've never meant anything more."

Cyrus, who is now standing right in front of TJ, leans down and places his fingers under TJ's chin. He gently tilts the basketball player's head to look up at him. His eyes flash down to TJ's lips. Then abruptly, TJ pulls away. "Wait .."

"Oh no, I'm sorry. Am I moving too fast? I just never thought the guy if my dreams would say he loves me as much as I love him." Cyrus goes to step away but TJ grabs his hand.

"It's not that, Cy. I have something I need to tell you before you commit to dating me. You may change your mind."

"You're scaring me TJ." Cyrus says rubbing the rough skin in TJ's knuckles with his thumb.

"I'm honestly scaring myself. But you deserve the truth about me. I'm not like most guys."

"If course you are not. You are better." Cyrus gives a weak smile.

"That's not what I mean. I'm not built the same as you, or Jonah, or Marty. I'm...I'm transgender. And, like, don't get me wrong, I don't hate my body or anything...most days at least, but it is not like most boys our age. And I was in here because Marty walked in in me changing. I didn't have my binder in and I was worried he saw. But it seems like he kept it to himself, which I appreciate. But I wanted you to know and I would understand if you don't want to date me anymore. I get it…" TJ was looking down as he trailed offj, afraid to look at Cyrus' face 

Cyrus sits on the edge of the bed next to TJ, still holding the other boy's hand.. He puts his free hand on the side of TJ's head turning it to face Cyrus. "I like...love you TJ. I didn't fall for you because I thought you were a cisboy. I fell for you because you were the cute, sweet, basketball playing boy that managed to steal my heart a little more every time I hung out with you."

"You don't think I'm a freak?"

"Of course not. There is nothing wrong with you."

"You know dating me isn't going to be easy. I plan on transitioning more over the next few years, things like hormones, and maybe surgery. That is alot to deal with."

"Well bring it on. I don't plan on going anywhere as long as you want me, not-so-scary basketball guy. I promise I won't let go."

"You won't? Let go, I mean. You won't leave me even when it is hard?" TJ sounds desperate to believe him. He is so scared of being hurt again like he was when he was younger. He thinks back to the old best friend that abandoned him.

"Never, never ever. I could never let go of you " Cyrus says sincerely.

TJ feels like his insides are on fire. Cyrus was truly the most amazing person he could ask for in his life. Without thinking, TJ leans in and places a gentle kiss in Cyrus' lips. He pulls away slightly to see what happens next. Cyrus answers the unspoken question by leaning back in and deepening the kiss.

When they pull away for air, both boys can't help but grin. "Wow." TJ says. "That was my first kiss and just ..wow."

"I wish it was my first kiss...mine was with a girl, Amber's friend, Iris. I liked it much better with a guy." Cyrus smiles. 

TJ knew he made the right chose telling Cyrus. After everything Cyrus just found out, he still sees TJ as just as much a boy as he has ever been. TJ says softly. "Does this mean we are dating now."

"Only if you want it to." Cyrus says in a hopeful voice.

"Then yes, we are dating." TJ smiles and sits in a comfortable silence with his new boyfriend.


	2. Bowling Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus and TJ go on a double date with Marty and Buffy

TJ couldn't believe what had happened today. It was 2am and he knew he should be asleep but just couldn't. If you had asked him 24 hours ago if today's simple day of sledding would of ended with him getting his first boyfriend, he would have laughed in your face. He never imagined that Cyrus would like him back. But not only had Cyrus told him he liked him as much as he liked Cyrus, but Cyrus now knew he was trans and that didn't change anything in his eyes. He still loved him. To say TJ was relieved, was an understatement. All he has ever wanted was to be treated like any other guy. He knew it shouldn't matter if your cis or not, but also knew not everyone thought that way. Even people who are supposedly "allies" often misgendered trans folks without meaning too. That's why it meant so much to TJ that Cyrus saw him as a boy even after finding out his secret. 

But that's also the reason he still did not want to tell their other friends quite yet. He was still nervous about how they may react. Sure they almost immediately went downstairs and told everyone they were dating but that was easy. (Well except for Buffy pulling him aside to personally kick his ass if he ever hurts Cyrus.) It was easy because he was pretty sure everyone in that room was a little queer. He knew his sister, Amber, was a lesbian, having only dated Jonah out of some misguided internalized homophobia. Andi was pan and so into his sister. Jonah and Buffy were bi kids all the way. So yeah, telling them that hey he was gay and dating Cyrus was a piece of cake. But telling them he was trans was way scarier, and luckily Cyrus would never push him to tell when he was not ready.

There is one issue though, someone in that room earlier, other than Cyrus and Amber, knew TJ was trans; Marty. Marty was the person in the group that he knew the least about. Up until a month ago, he didn't even know who Marty was.(Apparently they were in some classes together but he doesn't remember him.) He is pretty sure Marty is a straight, cis boy but pretty harmless. But that straight, cis boy was also the person who walked in on him in the bathroom while he was changing. This is the boy who now knew he was trans. 

Sure, Marty was respectful enough not to out him but TJ had taken note of how much more quiet Marty was the rest of the day. He also noticed Marty staring at him from time to time. He may be over thinking it but he can't help but be worried. What if Marty doesn't feel comfortable around him and it makes hanging out Cyrus' friends weird? 

TJ sighs in annoyance at himself. Why is he wasting his night obsessing over this? He has better things to think about, like the fact that before leaving Cyrus' house, the shorter boy asked to take hm on a date tomorrow...err...later today at this point. Ugh  
, he thinks to himself, as he looks to the clock. 3am. He needs to sleep. So he throws a pillow over his head in a desperate attempt to subdue his own racing thoughts. Eventually exhaustion wins out,a and he drifts asleep.

**************  
It's about 4pm later that day, and TJ is waiting anxiously for Cyrus. They are supposed to meet at The Spoon for their first official date. Sure they have been to this same restaurant hundreds of times before but this time felt new, and exciting, and scary, all at once. He wanted today to go perfect. He spent two hours changing his outfit to find "the perfect date look." Amber also convinced him that Cyrus would like his hair with no gel. She may have also slipped in there the fact that Andi mentioned to her that Cyrus really likes TJ in his glasses, the glasses he only wears around the house typically. 

So here he was, in the middle of the diner, with his hair falling way more freely than he prefers and his dorky glasses on his face. He doesn't feel the most confident in how he looks right now. But he needs today to go well. So he is trying out his look. Part of him was nervous because what if yesterday was a fluke? What if Cyrus got there and realized this was all a mistake?

Every single one of those worries melt away when he sees Cyrus walk through the door. The moment Cyrus sets eyes on him, the brunette's face lights up. The way Cyrus stares at him makes TJ's face heat up in a deep red blush. Why or how Cyrus can make him feel so soft is a mystery to him but it can't be stopped. Cyrus walks to the table and stands for a moment in what looks to be awe. 

"You look so…" The brown eyed boy's voice breaks the silence. He kneads his lower lip trying to find the best word to describe how he thought TJ looked. Cute? No that was too soft. Beautiful? Not quite the right word either. He finally decides on the word. "Handsome." It was the right mix of affectionate and distinguished.

Without thinking Cyrur runs his fingers through TJ's hair as he keeps standing by the edge of the table. "I really like your hair. It's so soft. Not that I don't like it other times though…" Cyrus backtracks, turning slightly red himself for putting his foot in his mouth. "It's just that I like that I can touch it without feeling the gel. And I like your glasses, you look so...I'm sorry if I am saying the wrong things. I'm just nervous you know and I really like you and I think you look so good..and…you smell good, like citrus and...

TJ smiles to himself listening to his boyfriend rambling. He finally grabs Cyrus' hand and pulls him onto the booth bench next to him, before placing a small kiss on the boy's cheek that suddenly leaves him speechless. TJ takes the moment of quiet to say "I think you look pretty good, too, muffin.

"Thanks Teej…" Cyrus replies before settling against TJ as TJ casually wraps his arm around Cyrus' shoulders. As they sat and talked and ate it felt like neither boy can remember being nervous. Sitting like this feels like they should of been doing this all along. It felt natural to sit so close, enjoying each other's company.

*************  
When they finished another renowned rendition of baby tater theater, followed closely by actually eating said baby taters, TJ asked "So what else do you have planned, underdog?"

"Nothing crazy. Buffy invited us to go bowling with her and Marty. Andi has family stuff going on so it would just be the 4 of us. It could be fun." Cyrus notices TJ's face change. It clouds over with what looks like worry. "Or we don't have to, sweetie…we can go to the park or something. "

"No Cy, I want to go. It is fine. I promise."

"Tell your face that then…" Cyrus says half jokingly. "What's up, my not-so-scary basketball guy?"

"It is nothing…" TJ says but knows he does not sound so convincing.

"Let's not start off this relationship with you lying to me. What is it?"

"I'm scared, okay?" TJ replies quietly.

"Of what?" Cyrus lowers his voice to match TJ's.

TJ takes in a deep breath like the air is suddenly heavier. It always feels heavier whenever he talks about his trans identity. It feels like if he says the wrong thing, he could mess something up. Sometimes it felt like he had to work harder than everyone else just to exist. Every once in awhile he wishes someone else he knew was going through this. 

As he thinks about this, Cyrus can see the distress on his face. Cyrus says, "You don't have to tell me, TJ… its okay. " Cyrus smiles.

TJ returns the gesture with a weak smile. "No I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything all the time, actually. Its...its Marty. He is the one who walked in on me yesterday, remember? And he was staring at me yesterday the entire time after that. I don't know if he is comfortable with me."

Cyrus reaches for TJ's free hand. "Like I said, we don't have to go.'

"No we are going to go. I'm just nervous." TJ says in a soft voice, he barely recognizes as his own.

"To be honest, I don't know too much about Marty so I can't speak for him but I know Buffy. She really likes Marty and I can't see her being with someone who would treat you differently for something like being trans." Cyrus keeps his voice down so he doesn't bring unwanted attention to the green eyed boy.

TJ gives his boyfriend a small, unsure smile. "I guess you are right…"

"Plus I will be with you the entire time." Cyrus says with a wide grin that TJ can't help but mirror. Maybe this will be okay TJ thinks to himself.

***********  
Boy was he wrong. From the moment TJ and Cyrus arrived at the bowling alley, it seemed like all Marty could do was stare at TJ. TJ would catch Marty eyeing up and down, like he was trying to figure something out. It got to the point where even Cyrus noticed it, prompting him to wrap his arm around TJ's shoulder, almost like he was trying to protect him. 

Amazingly Buffy did not seem to notice. Cyrus really wanted to tell Buffy so she could talk some sense into this guy she likes so much. But telling her would be outing TJ so that was out of the question. So those two just keep up their banter, albeit Marty being a bit distracted.

TJ meanwhile tried to focus on Cyrus. He was trying to keep distracted from the blatant stares that bore into him. It is hard though. Even with the bumbers up, (at Cyrus' request) he was not doing well. All he could think about was how uncomfortable Marty is making him feel. He didn't do anything to deserve to feel like a freak on display. Finally when Buffy gets up to grab some food, TJ pulls away from Cyrus and walks up to Marty.

"Can we talk, over there?" TJ's voice comes out more abrasive than he intended as he points to an empty corner of the alley.

"Uh, yeah, sure man." Marty says in a voice that seems riddled with anxiety.

TJ leads the way to the corner of the room. As he passes Cyrus he hears him say "I'm here if you need anything." TJ blushes at those simple words as he continues to walk away. 

When they finally get to a secluded spot, TJ clears his throat and Marty looks at him. This is probably the first one on one conversation they have ever had. "So what is your deal?"

"What do you mean?" Marty asks as he looks to the floor.

"You know what I mean. You haven't stopped starring since you walked in on me yesterday. Is it because you know I'm...I'm trans?"

Marty looks up. He looks so insure. He says "Of course not, actually yea." TJ's eyes look.hurt and angry at the same time. Before he can say anything else Marty continues. "But not in the way you think.'

"Oh so you aren't staring at me because you think I'm weird and a freak?" TJ says sarcastically. He is used to assuming the worst so that doesn't seem like a stretch.

"No! Of course not!"

"Then why have you been staring at me?!" He says in a hushed yell. Then he pauses. He notices the look of sadness and fear in the other boy's face. He recognizes that look from his own mirror. His voice softens "Hey man, are you okay?"

Marty shakes his head as his breathe catch as he tries to speak. After a long couple seconds, he chokes out, "I was staring because I couldn't actually believe their was another guy at school like me. I've been trying to figure out if it was all my imagination. I'm...I'm sorry if I made you feel weird."

"Wait…" TJ says in disbelief. "Did you say 'Guy at school like you?' as in...as in you're trans?" 

"Yea, I am." Marty gives a half smile.

"How did I not know this before?" 

"The same reason that no one knows about you. Sometimes if you manage to pass, it is way easier not to go around announcing your trans."

TJ huffs at his own dumb question. "I guess you are right."

Suddenly the world around TJ felt lighter. There was now another person he could confide in that probably understood this aspect of his life better than anyone else. He is suddenly glad his boyfriend brought him here.

"Can I ask you a question?" Marty says interrupting his thoughts.

"Yea, anything."

"How do you get your voice to sound so good? I catch mine cracking all the time and I am so worried is going to give me away."

TJ cracks a small smile. "My mom is a piano teacher and she understands all this pitch and tone stuff. It sounds dumb, but she helps me."

Marty frowns and TJ is worried he said something wrong.

"No, you didn't. Not at all. Um, did you say your mom helps you? She knows?"

"Well yea, it would be hard to hide something like this." TJ says matter-of-factly. Marty knows too well it is hard to hide something like this.

"She supports you?" Marty continues to question.

"Yea, since I was little. So does my dad."

Marty looks away. "That must be nice."

TJ puts his hand on the other boy's shoulder as they stand across from each other. "I take it your parents aren't the most supportive?"

"Not really. My dad barely talks to me and my mom refuses to address me by anything but my dead name. Sometimes the teachers at school are more supportive than my own parents. At least they call me Marty." Marty looks devastated as he continues. TJ just let's the other boy get it out. "And it's hard you know? Like the one binder I saved up and bought, my mom found and threw out. So most of the time, I'm stuck with bandages and sports bras. And like I can't have friends over because my parents would out me. What if that's how Buffy finds out? I really like her and I can't even bring her to my house, without being forced out to her. I just...wish they would stop treating me like a bad daughter and start being proud of son they have. Like, come on, I am the fastest guy in school ...why don't they care, you. Why don't they care about me."

TJ's heart broke for Marty. He suddenly felt 100x more thankful for his parents. He sat in quiet with the other boy for a while. After a bit TJ breaks the silence. "I'm sorry about your parents. You don't deserve that. But I can say for 100% sure if Buffy were to ever find out, she would not care. Anyone can see how much she cares about you.

"Yea, and I'm going to tell her but not today."

"Okay." TJ says simply. This is Marty's truth to tell on his time.

After a few more minutes, they walk back over to their awaiting friends. As TJ settles back into Cyrus' side, the shorter boy says "Everything okay?"

"Yea, everything is fine." He smiles and Cyrus doesn't push for more. The rest of the evening is a lot of fun. TJ's life could not be better. He has a cute boyfriend that he loves and so many great friends, now. Sometime soon he thinks he will tell the rest of them his truth.

That night after he and Cyrus spend too much time on the porch saying goodnight, he slips into his house. His mom sits on the couch watching an old movie. He simply sits down beside her, hugs her and whispers "Thanks mom."


	3. You Deserve  Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *A Muffy and Marty heavy of my Trans!TJ and Trans!Marty fanfiction. Features some Tyrus and platonic Tarty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some unsupportive parents in this chapter. I based some of it on my own experience. Also it is never okay to purposely dead name a person. And as always, you are valid if you pass, don't pass, or dont want to pass. You matter.

"Mara!"

A voice calls from downstairs. It gets no response.

"Mara!" 

The voice calls again. The sound of that name in the air fills the space with poison. It makes the air feel heavy. It is hard to breathe all of a sudden.

"Jesus Christ! Mara if I have to come up there, you are not going to like it."

Crash. Books tumble to the ground off the dresser.

The sound of feet climbing the stairs come next. Those feet belong to the voice. They make their way to a bedroom door. They push open the door to find a person shaking in anger surrounded by books littering the floor.

"Mara, I know you heard me."

"It's Marty, mom." He says defyingly.

"We are not doing this again. Knock it off. I need your help downstairs." She says in an exasperated voice.

"With what?' He spits back, trying to keep it together long enough to fight back the tears forming in his eyes.

"Well after you clean up your little temper tantrum, I need you to wash the dishes while I run to the store. I want to finish dinner before your dad gets home."

"I don't have a dad." Marty says behind gritted teeth.

"Now you stop that. Don't be so dramatic.'

"He won't even look at me anymore."

"That's only because he wants you to stop playing dress up and using these fake voices and go back to being his daughter. He just wants you to show a little respect for yourself and the way God made you." His mother says in a 'sympathetic' voice. 

"I am showing myself respect, mom. I am being true to me."

"Whatever, I'm not getting into this with you again today." She says as she turns to walk out.

As she walks out, Marty yells out the door to her. "That's right, walk away! But you can't avoid this forever!" He slams his door shut and sinks to the ground. He lets the tears stream down his cheek unchecked. It shouldn't hurt this bad to be himself but it does.

Honestly all he wants to do is call Buffy and hear her voice… but he can't. He can't because calling her would involve him telling her why he was upset. The problem with that is he hasn't come out to her yet. In fact the only person who knows is his new friend, TJ. It shocks him that TJ has become one of his best friends but given the fact that TJ is also trans, it helps him not feel alone in this.

Thinking about it, he couldn't believe how much his life had changed in this past month. He was finally dating, Buffy Driscoll, the girl he never gave up feelings for. Buffy was the best thing to happen in his life. Sure she was pretty, but God she was so much more. She was funny, smart, a hell of an athlete, and just as competitive as he was, if not more. Buffy was not perfect, sometimes she lost her head(i.e. the shoe incident or trying to run a marathon on no training) but who is? All he knows is that she is perfect for him.

Then why can't he bring himself to just tell her the one thing she does not know about him? She would understand. She wouldn't care, he can almost guarantee himself but...what if she did? What if Buffy does care that he is a trans guy? 

He thinks about calling TJ to vent but remembers that his friend had planned a big date with Cyrus today. He doesn't want to ruin that. So he does the only thing he can think of to chase these feelings away. He gets up, changes into his running clothes and leaves his house. From there, he just goes. He doesn't know where he is running to, but it doesn't matter as long as he keeps going.

After what must have been an hour, his phone rings in his pocket causing him to come to a halt. He expects to see his mother on the caller ID, having come back from the store and realizing he wasn't there. To his relief though, it is not. Its Buffy instead, he smiles to himself, almost forgetting his bad feelings, if only for a moment.

"Buff-ay" He says in a goofy voice as he answers.

"Mart-ay" She replies. "What are you doing right now?"

"Not much, running, that's it."

"Wanna grab dinner with me then? Cyrus is out with TJ and Andi is hanging out with Amber and Jonah."

"Are you asking me on a date, Driscoll?" He jokes.

"In your dreams." She teases back. "Anyhow, see you at The Spoon in 20?"

"Yea, I'll be there." As he hangs up, he can't help himself not to smile. Even though they are finally dating, he likes that they can still joke around like that. Honestly he doesn't know how he got so lucky.

********  
Twenty minutes later, he finds himself in the diner walking towards the table that Buffy is sitting at. He smiles as he meets her eyes.

"Hey" he says as he takes a seat next to her.

"Hey, yourself." Her smile mirrors his. "How was your run?"

"Good, I guess."

"You should've texted me, I would have ran with you."

Marty smirks. "You know, didn't want you to feel bad when you couldn't keep up."

"You mean, you didn't want to feel bad when you were eating my dust." She laughs. God he loves that laugh.

"But really, I just needed to get out of the house, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing."

"Another fight with your mom?"

"Yea, I guess."

"What do you guys even fight about all the time?"

"You know how it is, just normal parent-kid stuff." He likes trying to smooth over the topic.

"Are you sure?" She pushes.

"Yea.' He says quietly before switching his tone. "Let's eat, I'm starving!"

Buffy doesn't want to drop the subject but knows pushing won't help. She makes a mental note to bring it up later. 

After a while, Marty's phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out to find a message from his mother. 

Where the hell are you? This isn't funny. For the record, I noticed you didn't do anything I asked.

Marty rolls his eyes and throws his phone on to the table. Buffy gives him a look demanding what is going on.

"It is just my mom. I didn't quite tell her that I was leaving. " Marty rubs the back of his head.

"So you should be getting back." Buffy says in a matter of fact tone.

"I guess. I'm going to be dead when I get their though. So you better say your goodbyes." He tries to joke.

She punches his shoulder playfully before giving a small kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry, I'm sure you all will work through whatever is happening."

He gives her a weak smile and just nods. He doesn't quite believe that is true. "I should get going."

"Want me to walk you home?"

"Nah, Buffy. It's okay. Thanks."

"Okay, call if you need anything?"

"Of course." He says as he stands up.

"One more thing" Buffy says softly. "You do know I am here no matter what? So if you ever wanna talk about the bad stuff you have going on with your parents, I'm here."

He can't help but beam at her words. Maybe he will tell her, but not tonight. "Thank you…you have a good night Driscoll." 

**********  
Buffy sits a bit longer at The Spoon. She doesn't quite understand what can be going on with Marty's parents. Whatever it is though, she knows it has to be more than "normal teen stuff." She wishes that she could help more. She just doesn't know how.

When she finally goes to leave 20 minutes later, she notices that Marty left his phone at the table. She picks it up and slides it into her pocket. She decides that she will just drop it off to him. So she heads out of the diner and heads towards his house. Buffy has only been there once, awhile back, when his parents weren't there. He has always been weird about introducing any of his friends (or girlfriend apparently) to his parents.

When she arrives at his house, she knocks on the door and waits. She would of called him ahead of time but, you know, she has his phone. A short brunette woman who appears to be in her late 30s answers the door. She guesses this must be his mom.

"Hi, can I help you?" The woman asks politely.

"Yea, actually, um I'm Buffy. I am Marty's girlfriend. We were hanging out and he left his phone." 

The woman rolls her eyes and Buffy worries she said something wrong. Oh god, she thinks, what if he has not told his mom he has a girlfriend. What his mom says next though surprises her.

The woman turns behind her and yells "Mara! Get down here now."

Mara? Who's Mara? Does Marty have some secret sister she doesn't know about. As a matter of fact, she remembers a Mara at school in the 6th grade but she didn't come back in the seventh grade or eighth grade. She doesn't have much time to think about it because she notices Marty bounding down the steps. He isn't looking up so he doesn't see her. Then she hears him say "Its Marty, mom." As those words leave his mouth, he looks up and sees Buffy.

"What...what...are you doing here, Buffy?" It sounds like he is having trouble breathing. 

Before Buffy can answer, his mom speaks. "This nice young lady was bringing you your phone. But then she let me know you have her twisted up in this stupid game you are playing, Mara."

"Stop calling me that!" Marty says, focusing on his mom because he isn't brave enough to look at Buffy.

"That is your name! Just because you are playing dress up and pretending to be a boy, doesn't change who you really are."

Suddenly it clicks to Buffy what is going on. Marty is trans and his mom just outed him to her. She feels terrible and feels like she should say something. She clears her throat and says "I don't mean to be disrespectful but apparently you don't care about that ma'am so I'm going to continue anyhow. Marty is the best guy I know and you aren't being very nice to him at all. I don't think you are a nice person. I don't like the way you treat him." Marty smiles to himself. She really is the most amazing person.

His mother turns away from Marty to face Buffy again. "Watch your tone with me." She snaps back at the teenager at the door.

Marty's voice comes from behind his mom. "Don't talk to her like that." 

"She has no right to talk to me like that. Especially since all I was doing was telling the truth, Mara."

"Stop calling me that."

"That is your name!"

"No it is not and you know it!" Marty is shaking now in anger as Buffy looks on.

His mother's voice is tinged with annoyance as she speaks in a calmly. "I don't want to talk about this, I think you're friend should go home and you should go to your room."

"You never want to talk about this!" The boy steps closer. "You never want to talk about the reason dad barely speaks anymore and hides out in your room. You never want to talk about why I don't have friends here. And you never want to talk about the fact that you have a son! But we are going to talk about it! We are going to talk about me." 

His mom interrupts him. "You will listen here. I work too hard for this family for you to talk to me like that."

"Oh you work too hard?! Well I worked harder! I tried harder than you to stomp this out and not make it a problem! I tried not to bother my family with my problems. " He starts shaking slightly. Buffy pushes past his mother to stand next to him and squeeze his hand. He continues. "But then I couldn't anymore, mom. It hurt too much. So I did what I could to feel better about myself. I started dressing and presenting in a way that felt right. I was happy and everyone at school just saw a boy but you and dad couldn't accept that. Dad just stopped talking to me and you live in this delusional place in your head where this isn't happening. But it is happening. Why can't you be okay with this? Why don't you care about me being happy?" His voice was smaller now.

"Because it's wrong, and you know that. Do you want to be some freak?"

"Mom...that's not true. You don't really think I am a freak, do you?" He asks as Buffy keeps squeezing his hand.

His mother clears her throat. "I think you should leave...Mara." 

"Don't you care about me…"

"I told you to leave. I will call over to your aunt's and you will stay there."

"You know what? Don't bother." He pulls Buffy's hand with him as he pushes past his mother without another word and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

They walk in silence for a while, with Marty holding onto Buffy's hand like he would die if they let go. When they are far enough away from his home, Buffy whispers "You know you didn't deserve any of that, right?"

Marty stays silent, not able to look at her. She continues, "I mean it. I wish your parents would see what I see when I look at you."

"Which is?" He manages to barely push those words past his teeth.

Buffy stops and moves in front of him so she can look him in the eyes. "I see someone who is funny, and smart, an amazing runner, a person who will do anything for the people he cares about. I see one of the best guys I have ever met."

"Buffy ...I'm so sorry I lied to you. I should have known you would have been so supportive." He says, taking both her hand in his.

"Don't be sorry, you have to do this own your own time. Just know, I got your back, always." She smiles at him.

He mirrors back her expression. She asks "Do you want me to text my mom to see if you crash on our couch tonight?" 

"Nah, I'm pretty sure your mom wouldn't be happy with a guy staying the night, but thanks. If you give me my phone back though, I think I know someone I can call.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Here." She hands him his phone. He quickly shoots TJ a text.

Yo, can I stay at your house for a few days?

Let me ask my mom. Why?

My mom kicked me out. I'll explain more later.

My mom said yes. See you in a bit. 

Marty turns back to his girlfriend. "TJ's parents are going to let me stay over."

"I still don't understand how you two became so close." She says as they start walking again, heading to TJ's.

"He kind of found out about me and has been really supportive." He doesn't go into specifics because saying more would out TJ. That is not his right.

Buffy can sense that there is more but gets the hint not to push. As they walk, they intertwine pinkies. They don't say much. That's okay though because her still being there even after everything, is enough.

********  
After a while, they reach TJ's house. They walk up to see the boy with sitting on a porch swing, resting his head against his boyfriend's shoulder. Marty thinks it's kind of cute to see the taller boy slouching to rest his head on Cyrus. Then a thought crosses his mind as he and Buffy step into view of boys on the porch.

"Oh god, you guys had your date day today and I am crushing it."

Cyrus smiles at him from the chair. "Actually I was just telling TJ I have to head home. It's late and now that my mom knows we are dating, sleepovers are a no-no." He laughs. He kisses TJ's cheek and pulls away. TJ groans in pretend annoyance, before pulling Cyrus in for one more kiss. 

"Bye Underdog." TJ gives a dopey smile.

"Bye Teej…" He returns with the same lovestruck look.

Marty and Buffy make fake gagging noise almost in unison. It makes them both smile.  
Cyrus eventually smiles towards Buffy. "Wanna walk home together?" Buffy nods before giving Marty a hug goodbye. She whispers "Text me tomorrow, okay?" Marty nods before the two friends head out towards their homes.

Marty joins TJ on the porch and takes a seat. He clears his throat.

"So uh, Buffy knows." Marty says softly.

"That's great man, you told her?"

"Not exactly, she came over to drop off my phone. I had left it at the diner. My mom answered the door and kind of outed me. But Buffy didn't care, you know? She even stood up to my mom for me. So it made me feel, you know good."

"I told you Buffy really cared about you, didn't I?" TJ gives a smug grin.

"Yea you did, man. I just felt so strong with her there, like a better person. So I stood up to my mom. Unfortunately that got me kicked out, but it was worth it. I mean I shouldn't have to stay with people hate such a big part of me."

"You're right. And tomorrow my mom said we will help you figure it out, okay? But tonight, just relax."

They sit quietly for a while just enjoying the night air. But TJ breaks the quiet. "So like does Buffy know that I know you're are trans?"

"Yea but don't worry I did not tell her you are trans too."

"I know you wouldn't do that. I was just thinking that Cyrus knows you know I am trans and vice versa for Buffy. I was thinking maybe we can just tell them both the whole truth? Or maybe tell the others too?" He quickly adds. "I mean if you want to."

Tell the others? Marty smiles to himself thinking about it. Tonight has really shown him that if people care about him, his identity not being cis wouldn't matter. So he lets out a breath that felt like has been trapped for a long time. "Yea, probably. Let's talk about it tomorrow, but like you said, tonight let's just relax." He smiles.


	4. Born This Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cute fluffy Tyrus angst

"We kicked that boy out because we do not have a son, but our daughter is welcome back whenever she wants."

That was the last thing Marty's mother said to him when he went with his aunt to get his stuff from his former bedroom. He tried not to let on that what she said hurt him, but damn did it hurt. All he could muster up the courage to say was "You never had a daughter." Before closing the front door.

To say it has been a weird few days is an understatement. Marty was kicked out of his parent's home. He isn't necessarily upset about not being in that house though. Being there always felt like he was living in one of those abandoned minefields. From a distance, it looked safe, there was a delicate way to step to keep everything from blowing up around it. But Marty stepped on one of those mines the moment he refused to let his mother ignore who he was anymore. No, actually he didn't just step on it, it was like he purposely found it and slammed down on it, obliterating everything that kept their sham of a family together. 

As with any explosion, Marty didn't walk away unscathed either. It hurt him so badly that his mother would rather him not living with them just because he wanted to be happy. It hurt him to know that she, and his father chose bigotry over their own kid, because that means they never truly loved him. They loved the idea of having a child. But as soon as that child did something outside their mold they created, they wanted him to go back into that mold. They wanted him to deny who he was. They wanted him to go back to playing make believe. That's not love. That's hate.

But even with these wounds he endured, good came from them. The Kippens let him stay the first night. Mrs. Kippen also helped him arrange things with his aunt. Actually as soon as she heard what her "horrid" sister and brother-in-law did to their own child, she gladly offered to take up guardianship. So now he is living with a guardian who is loving and supportive of him just the way he is. He doesn't go into detail about why his parents kicked him out to people who don't already know because he is still not ready to come out. The only people who know are the Kippens, his aunt, and Buffy. That night also confirmed for him how much he lov...really likes Buffy. She stood by his side through it all. On top of all of this, his aunt live a street over from the Kippens. 

TJ and Marty have taken to spending a lot of time together(when they weren't with their significant others.) It was nice having a bestfriend who could relate to what you were going through. It was this reason, that the boys were sitting at TJ's dining room table, scrolling through a tablet, searching for the perfect binder for Marty. It wasn't exactly Marty's idea. He was perfectly fine with binding with bandages and sports bras but TJ found out and insisted.

"Dude, you are a runner! Binders already constrict your chest, you know the thing with your lungs in it?" TJ says sarcastically. "You should find one that is more breathable than whatever makeshift one you are using."

"In case you've forgotten, it was kind of hard to have one in my parents house. I had saved up and bought one, then my mom found it and tossed it. I don't exactly have the money for one right now."

"Don't worry about that."

"Man, you can't afford one either." Marty knew that Amber and TJ's parents weren't super well off money wise. That's why both kids have jobs.

"I didn't say I was buying it." 

"How are we getting it then?"

TJ looks away guiltily like he said too much.  
"How are we getting it TJ?" Marty demands as TJ tries to ignore him by continuing to scroll online.

"I know you heard me Teej."

TJ lets out a sigh. "Okay but you did not hear this from me! She will kill me if she knew I told you. But...Buffy is paying for it. She wanted you to be safe while running and playing sports. I think her exact words were 'How can I kick his butt if he goes passing out on me?'"

Marty groans. "She shouldn't waste her money on me."

"Look man, I would just take it. Buffy cares about you and wants the best for you."

Marty gets a dopey smile on his face. "I guess she does, doesn't she?"

TJ rolls his eyes in feigned annoyance before punching Marty's shoulder playfully. "Duh. I didn't think you were that dense. " 

"Whatever, let's get back to looking I guess." Marty laughs before the boys turned their attention back to the tablet in front of them.

**********  
After a while, after they decide on the right one, they find themselves sitting in TJ's basement playing video games. Both their cell phones vibrate at the same time. It's the group chat.

Buffy: Is anyone free? Wanna get some lunch at The Spoon?

Andi: Yea, Amber and I will be there.

Buffy: Oh? You and Amber are hanging out.

Amber: Yea ;)

Andi: Amber! I'm just helping her a poster board for her English class. 

TJ: Sure ;)

Buffy: Anyhow...anyone else wanna come.

Marty: I'll be there Driscoll. <3 So will TJ.

Jonah: Did you just use the heart emoji? 

Marty: Yea, what of it?

Jonah: Nothing, man. I'll be there too.

TJ notices that Cyrus isn't responding to the group chat. He is a little worried because Cyrus is always the first to replying to an invite for babytaters.

TJ: Cy, you coming? 

Jonah: ?

Buffy: Cyrus?

Andi: Maybe God phone is dead. No biggie.

TJ: Maybe. I'm going to take a rain check on The Spoon.

TJ turns to Marty. "Hey I will catch you later. I'm going to Cyrus' house to make sure he is okay."

"Alright, maybe you all can meet up with us later."

TJ gives a half smile. "Maybe."

Marty nods and heads out. A few minutes later, TJ has his coat on and is heading to Cyrus.

**********  
Cyrus felt terrible. He honestly felt like his world was crashing down around him. He knows he is being oversensitive but can't help it. He was laying on his bed, trying not to cry. He was not succeeding very well. 

He had heard his phone vibrating from the night stand next to his bed. He just couldn't find the strength to reach over and see who it was. He was too busy being self-loathing, for that. 

After a while he hears a small knock on his bedroom door. He yells out "I don't want to talk about it, dad! Please go away." Sometimes Cyrus hated that his parents were psychiatrists. It made it hard to avoid his feelings.

"It's not your dad, it's me, Underdog." He didn't expect to hear TJ's voice come from the other side of the door. The voice continues "Can I come in please?"

The blonde waits on the other side of the door for a response. He listens to some shuffling before a weak voice calls out. "Yea, come in." 

When TJ enters the room, he sees the brunette sitting cross legged on his bed. It looks like he had hurriedly tried to wipe away some tears, leaving behind puffy eyes and streaks down his cheek. TJ immediately walks the room, closing the distance between them. He sits on the edge of the bed and takes Cyrus' hand in his.

Rubbing the rough skins on Cyrus knuckles with his thumb, he meets Cyrus' eyes. "Cy, what's wrong?"

Cyrus looks away, and attempts to change the subject. "Weren't you and Marty having a bros day or something?" He knows how lame that sounds coming out of his mouth.

"We were. But Buffy invited everyone to The Spoon and I was going to go, but you weren't replying to my messages, and I got worried."

Cyrus looks guiltily at his phone sitting on his nightstand. He turns back to TJ, still not being able to look him in the eye. "You should of gone. I'm sorry."

"I didn't want to go if you weren't there. Like I like our friends but you were the person I was looking forward to hanging out with."

A gap of air gets caught in Cyrus' throat, almost as if he is attempting to hold back a sob. "Why…"

"Why what?" TJ looks confused.

"Why...why do you want to hang out with me?" Cyrus says quietly.

TJ looks at the boy, confused. "You're are my boyfriend. Why wouldn't I want to hang out with you?"

"You don't get it. I don't know why you want to be with me, why you were even my friend in the first place. I'm awkward, and annoying, and anxious, and I'm not really worth your time… and I'm..."

TJ interrupts Cyrus by throwing his arms around him and pulling into a hug. "Cyrus, none of that is true, what has gotten into you?"

Cyrus mumbles something against TJ's shirt. The jock pulls back slightly and says softly. "What did you say?"

"I said... Kira."

"Wait you mean that one girl Buffy kicked off the girl's team?"

Cyrus nods his head.

TJ looks angry but not at Cyrus. "What did she do?" His voice is scarily calm. But he is so mad, because whatever she did made the boy he loves hurt.

"It doesn't matter, Teej. She was right any ways."

"Cyrus, what did she do?"

"It's nothing, really. I promise."

"You were in here crying and even now you look like you are still on the verge of tears. I may be oblivious but never to anything that hurts you." TJ says as place his hand under Cyrus's chin, forcing him to look meet his eyes.

"Okay, I...I will tell you. But it is stupid." Cyrus sounds almost embarrassed. "I went out grocery shopping with my dad this morning. Outside the market, Kira was there with some of her friends. I had stepped outside to get some air because my dad was taking forever. She saw me and came over. I think she knows I am one of Buffy's best friends. She started talking to me and I could tell she wasn't trying to make polite small talk. But I tried to be nice and just kind of ignore her but then she said...some mean things."

TJ whispers, "What did she say Cy?"

"She doesn't understand why you are dating me. She said that it must have been a fluke that one of the most popular guys in school is dating a loser like me. She said you must have just felt bad for me or something. And Teej, she is right. I am not very cool obviously and I am pretty annoying. Remember you even said that."

TJ thinks back to the swings. He totally forgot about that. He was just blowing off steam trying to work up the courage to say more though that day. "Wow, Cyrus, you can't seriously believe that? I'm sorry I ever said that but do you remember what else I said that day. I meant it when I said you are the only person I can talk to like this." Cyrus turns a way. TJ continues. "You know she is only trying to hurt you. Nothing of what she said is true. Cyrus please tell me you know she is just trying to get into your head."

"I mean I get that she isn't a nice person but it still got to me, you know? I wish I could be confident and popular sometimes. It's stupid. I just like you so much, and I am worried that I am not good enough for you. Like...I would understand if you found someone better."

TJ instinctive moves his hands to cup Cyrus' cheeks, pushing slightly so the shorter boy stops talking. TJ smiles at how cute his boyfriend looks before beginning to speak. "You know, for someone so smart, you can be so dumb sometimes."

Cyrus sarcastically replies "That makes me feel so much better." TJ's hands don't leave Cyrus' face.

"Underdog, do you think I would leave you because you are not cool enough? I have had a crush on you since the day we met. It was not because I thought you were "cool" or whatever. I thought you were the cutest boy I had ever seen. I loved saying you were with me because I could pretend for that slight moment that you were with me. Then the more we talked, the more I wanted that to be true.I love how dorky you can be. I love how sweet you are. You are truly my favorite person. I wanted to be better so I could be good enough for you. Then when I didn't think I could like you more than I already did, you managed to make that happen, too. You accepted me without question when I told you that I was trans. You have never made me feel like less then a guy. Cyrus, you are the only person I want to be with."

"Teej, that's because you are not less than any other guy. Why would I ever treat you differently?"

"Because not everyone thinks like that." 

"Well anyone who would treat you like less is wrong." Cyrus, for the first time since TJ arrived smiles. He smiles that cute smile that TJ know is just for him.

"Cyrus, I am so thankful everyday to have you in my life. You are amazing and I need you to know that."

"I know that you think I am amazing, and even if I don't believe that I am, that is enough for now." Cyrus leans his forehead against TJ's. The boys are now both sitting across from each other on the bed.

TJ returns Cyrus' smile. His voice is quiet adding to the tiny world they created around them,making it feel like they were the only people that existed in that moment. "Well I am just going to have to remind you every day until you know what I know about you. No one gets to make you feel bad unless they want to deal with me."

"Thanks, not-so-scary-basketball-guy." Cyrus pulls TJs hands into his lap and absentmindedly plays with his fingers. They sit like that for awhile, just enjoying each other's existence.

************  
The following day was Monday and they had school. The previous night after TJ finally went home, he had an idea. He decided two things that night.

1)He never wants Cyrus to hurt again. It killed him that Cyrus looked so broken over a bully. He wanted Cyrus to know he is wonderful and deserves the world.

2) He didn't want to be a hypocrite. He was constantly telling Cyrus is perfect just being his dorky, adorable self. But Cyrus believed the same about TJ, that nothing was wrong with him, any part of him. TJ no longer wanted to hide that he was trans. He wanted to tell the world.

He remembers seeing this episode of Glee where the cast wore shirts with their truths on them and sang Born This Way. He was definitely not about to about to sing in front of the school but the shirts were a good idea. He could come out and also show Cyrus that he is worth it. So he texted his friends and asking if they will do it with him, except he did not mention what his would say. They agreed because they wanted to make Cyrus feel better.(Cyrus had filled them in over group chat what had happened.)

His friends and him walked to school that morning, with their shirts covered. It was winter after all so they all wore zipped up coats. Cyrus seemed apprehensive, he and TJ weren't exactly in the closet but being this straight forward about it was scary. TJ took his hand as they walked and squeezed it reassuringly. He hadn't even told Cyrus what his shirt says. Everyone's shirts were a surprise to each other.

They reached the door of the school. They stand off to the side so they can show each other their hand made shirts first before the rest of the student body. They unzip one by one.

Buffy's was white with plain black sharpie letters that read "Sports Bi with Great Hair." Everyone giggles at that. "What can I say? I got great hair and like all the genders."

"I'll go next." Jonah says as he shows him his shirt. It simply says "Panic Attacks." All his friends smile at him. They know this is a big step for him. They know how embarrassing he thinks they are. 

Andi follows suit and shows her shirt. "Pan. Proud. Asian. Artist. I am more than Stereotypes." Of course hers looks the best with glitter and beautiful designs surrounding the eloquently written letters.

Marty is next. It just reads "Parent Issues but still faster than you." Both Buffy and TJ slip reassuring glances at him. He is not ready to come out as trans and that's okay.

Next is Cyrus. He lamely jokes "Mine isn't really that surprising." He opens his coat to reveal "Anxious Disaster Gay(but I Got a Cute Boyfriend)" There are a few little rainbow hearts crudely drawn on around the word boyfriend.TJ blushes at the last part of the sentence. He smiles like a dope at Cyrus. 

"Are you blushing Kippen?" Buffy laughs.

"Shut up Driscoll." He counters before turning back to Cyrus. "I love it Underdog."

TJ looks back at all his friends standing around him. They look at him expectantly. He is suddenly really nervous to reveal his. He knows they will support him. Marty and Cyrus already know and they don't care. But he knows soon everyone will know. For a split second he thinks about turning away and going home and changing. But then he feels Cyrus' finger squeeze around his hand. He takes a deep breath and unzips his coat.

He is wearing a soft blue T-shirt with a metallic pink sharpie writing. He reads "Trans Boi who is In Love With Cyrus Goodman." Everyone looks in shock. Cyrus throws his arms around TJ and pulls him into a hug. "I am so proud of you Teej, and I love you too." TJ squeezes back, afraid to let go, afraid to see his friends' face. He whispers "Thanks Underdog."

When they break their hug, he looks around to see what his friends have to say. But they don't speak. Instead, he is met with a crowd arms pulling into another hug. This one a group hug. It said everything without using words. These were his friends and they loved and supported him.

While this is happening, Marty thinks to himself that he wants to tell his friends soon, just not today or as publicly as TJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always you are valid whether you pass, don't pass, or don't want to pass. How you present your gender or lack there is up to you


	5. Some People Are Just Mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is minor transphobic and homophobic language

They were sitting on the bench in Cyrus' backyard just holding onto each other, not saying a word. To Cyrus it seems like they have been there for an eternity. Seeing TJ this hurt made time go so slow. In actuality, it had only been a few hours, but it was getting late, judging by the setting sun. It was also getting colder out. Cyrus noticed the other boy shiver a little. Plus Cyrus' own hands were freezing.

"Teej?" Cyrus' voice was barely a whisper. 

TJ lifts his head slightly from the spot on Cyrus' shoulder it had been it resting on. The blonde is thankful that Cyrus doesn't move his arm from around his waist. "Yea Cy?" His voice sound hoarse and broken.

"Wanna head in? We can resume this on the couch? You are shivering and my hands kind hurt from the cold."

"Yeah…" TJ replies, almost like he is in auto drive. Cyrus frowns a little. Yesterday TJ had made him feel better but now Cyrus couldn't return the favor. He didn't know how to take a way the weight bearing down on his boyfriend. 

Cyrus stood up first and seen TJ's face drop even more with the loss of contact. He reaches out his hand to the taller boy in response, which TJ took immediately as he got up. They walked into the empty house (Leslie and Todd were at some conference and wouldn't be home until late tonight).

"Wanna go sit down and I will make us some hot chocolate, yeah?" The shorter boy questions.

TJ looks away without releasing Cyrus' hand. "If it is alright with you, I wouldn't mind just staying next to you. I'll help make it."

"Yeah, of course, baby." Cyrus tries to put on his most encouraging smile, hoping to take away some of the heavy thoughts swirling in boyfriend's head. Cyrus honestly had never seen TJ this clingy before. But he has also never seen TJ look so defeated before. Today the world really showed Cyrus how cruel people could be. Worse than that, their cruelty had been directed at TJ, the person Cyrus loved most in this world. 

***************  
The day started off positively. TJ had this cute idea of wearing shirts like the Born This Way episode of Glee. Cyrus was so proud of TJ when he saw his shirt. He was coming out as trans. He knew this was a big step for him. His shirt also left Cyrus blushing when he read the part about him being in love with Cyrus Goodman. He just couldn't believe how amazing his boyfriend really was. 

Their friends had all been so supportive too. All of them had been amazing to TJ and made him feel great before he walked through those school doors. But the moment the group walked in, Cyrus saw fear flicker in his boyfriend's eyes. Cyrus could tell he was having second thoughts. 

Cyrus took his hand and whispered, "It is going to be okay." He gave his boyfriend a small smile and the fear seemed to melt away. Cyrus really believed it was going to be okay. Shadyside is pretty liberal. What he didn't account for was the fact that sometimes other kids can just be mean.

As the group walked the hallway, they separated to head to their respective first periods. Luckily, TJ and Cyrus shared the same class, so they walked hand in hand through the crowded hallways together. At first, no one seemed to notice the shirts. That is until Kira spotted them. 

Kira had been so terrible to Cyrus yesterday at the market. So when she started towards them, Cyrus began to panic, worried she was going to humiliate him again. It didn't even cross her mind that she could come after TJ, though. He couldn't picture anyone wanting to hurt him. But that is what she did.

She steps across from the couple. In a voice loud enough to draw attention to them, she says, "Oh? You are trans? Are you telling me, you want to be a girl? Being gay isn't enough for you?"

TJ takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm as more students begin to stare. He counters very politely. "No, for your information, I am a trans-guy."

"I see." She says coldly. "You are only pretending to be a boy. You should be proud, you really had everyone fooled. You should of kept it that way. Now everyone knows you are a freak."

Before Cyrus knew what he was doing, he felt his body move forward, getting right in Kira's face. He couldn't care less anymore if she was a jerk to him, but no one is going to be mean to his not-so-scary-basketball-guy. His voice comes out louder than intended. "Don't call him that! He is not a freak, he is the best person in my life. And TJ isn't pretending to be anything, he has always been a boy." 

Kira gives an amused smile but before she could talk, a voice from the crowd calls out to her, "Yea Kira, just like you have always been a bitch." Cyrus couldn't help but smile. He recognizes that voice; Buffy. He sees her cut through the crowd, Marty in tow, and stand next to them.

"Isn't that cute?" Kira taunts, looking past Cyrus, to the green eyed athlete. "Your friends are idiots TJ. You really have them believing that you are worth standing up. But a year ago, you were a terrible person. I may not have gone here but I have heard enough stories. Your gender isn't the only thing you are faking. People don't change. You aren't a good person, no matter what they tell you…" TJ looks like that cut him deep. He looks to the ground, trying to hold himself together. The crowd of kids watching has grown quite large. A few snickers can be heard throughout the group, but fir the most part there is silence.

As she opens her mouth to continue, Cyrus cuts her off. He practically yells, "That is enough, Kira! Don't talk to him like that!" His words don't even seem to phase her.

"You hear that TJ, your faggot boyfriend is standing up for you, isn't that sweet?" Cyrus' eyes dart to the ground. All those terrible feelings from the other day come flooding in. Everyone around is silent now. Cyrus doesn't dare to make eye contact with anyone.

But suddenly he feels TJ's arm around his shoulders. "Never call him that again." Cyrus risks looking over at TJ, and just like that he feels better. TJ loves him no matter how hurtful Kira is. TJ was giving her the most intense death stare Cyrus has ever seen. What he doesn't see is Buffy mirroring TJ's look behind her. Marty is looking at the ground.

Kira, seemingly not getting the hint, continues, "But that's what he is. What you both are actually. He is a faggot and you are a tranny." Marty cringes slightly hearing that word but tries not to make obvious. Buffy, TJ, and Cyrus all lock eyes with her but it was Buffy that gets to her first.

It all happened so fast. Buffy barely remembers what happened. All she knows is Marty is now holding her back. Her knuckles are sore and Kira is on her ass nursing a bloody nose. When Kira stands up to retaliate, Dr. Metcalf walks into view. He orders all the students to get to class except for Buffy, Marty, Kira, Cyrus, and TJ. They had to follow him to his office.

Once there, they had to go and meet with him one by one so he could figure out the situation. Marty went in first, leaving the rest of them in awkward silence in the reception area. Cyrus sits between Buffy and TJ, fingers intertwined with blonde's. He knows Kira's words are still fresh in TJ's head. He isn't even upset anymore about what she said to him because TJ will always take precedence in his mind. 

He glances over at Buffy, who gives him a small smile. Cyrus mouths "Thank you." Most of the time he feels that violence is not the answer but it felt so good to see Buffy sock Kira. If anyone deserves it, she did. He turns his attention back to the jock, just studying his face. He takes in the sad eyes. They scream of pain and embarrassment. Cyrus knows that TJ is mulling over the bully's words. Cyrus whispers "I love you Teej…" He prays to whatever forces are out there that that will take away some of the venom Kira has pulsing through TJ's head.

Meanwhile, Kira apparently doesn't know when to stop. She had been standing against the wall, across from them. She says in a soft but cocky voice. "I meant what I said out there. You aren't a good person. They gave you a second chance, right? These friends of yours, your boyfriend. But do you really think you deserved it? Because you didn't and sooner or later, they will all realize it."

Cyrus squeezes TJ's hand reassuringly. He doesn't know how Kira knew exactly what to say to cut someone down. He looks at her. "I told you to not talk to him like that."

"Like I care what you say. What are you going to do about it?" She smirks.

"If you aren't careful, you will have more than a broken nose." Buffy spits from beside Cyrus. Kira surprisingly stops talking. Buffy smiles in triumph.

Meanwhile, Marty comes shooting out of Metcalf's office. He looks upset. He briefly gave a passing glance at Buffy as he walked past her before heading out to the hall. She can't even go after him because she has to do her meeting.

After almost an hour, the principal has finally spoken to all of the kids. In the end, Buffy ended up with a two day in-school suspension starting tomorrow for punching Kira, and Kira got a week for harassment and discrimination. She complained that she was the victim, but Metcalf didn't seem to care. Buffy could tell he was on her side (though he could never say that.)

It was at lunch that the entire group meets back up. Marty takes a seat next to Buffy. He is tense and quiet. TJ and Cyrus seem just as tense as Cyrus wraps his arm around TJ, pulling him so close their shoulders touch. It is what TJ needs right now. Buffy is left to fill in Andi and Jonah on what happened. Of course, they heard whispers in the hall of the incident but it was nice to have Buffy fill in the blanks.

"I hate Kira." Andi declares before looking over at Cyrus and TJ. "I am so sorry, guys."

"Don't apologize, you don't control what she does." Cyrus gives her a little smile.

Jonah chimes in, "Has anything else happened to either of you today?"

"People already knew I was gay since, you know, we haven't really been hiding it. So besides Kira, no one has said anything to me...but TJ has had it worse." Cyrua looks over at TJ, seeing if he wants to say more.

TJ looks around at his friends, the usual light in his green eyes seem to have dimmed. He takes a shaky breath. "A lot of people keep asking really personal questions. Some mean well and are trying to learn while some are just trying to be shitty for no reason." He looks down as he continues. "But the worst part of today was that some of my teammates came up and told me they didn't want to play with...with a tranny." When that word pushes past his teeth into the air, he notices Marty cringe out of the corner of his eye. He pushes on with his train of thought. "They must be following Kira's lead, you know? Who even uses that word anymore? Anyhow… um...then coach came to me right before I came in here for lunch and told me I can no longer use the guys locker room. According to him, a few of the guys felt uncomfortable. I don't even go in with the other guys, I always waited until everyone was gone to change. But now suddenly I can't use it at all. And obviously I can't go in the girls either, I mean he said I could but, not going to happen. Look at me, I don't belong in a girl's locker room. So I am basically being blacklisted off the team. Like not officially but I don't know if I have the guts to show up where no one wants me there. I just…' his voice trails off as Cyrus just hold him tight.

Suddenly the whole table shakes under the pressure of someone pounding down their fists. They look, it was Marty. "This just isn't fair. They can't do that!" Cyrus, Andi, and Jonah are surprised to see the runner so worked up, but Buffy and TJ get it. The boy continues, "I just don't know why it is so hard for trans people to just be themselves! Who does it actually affect? No one is getting hurt. TJ and…" he stops himself and looks away. He feels Buffy squeeze his shoulder comfortingly. 

Everyone stays quiet until Marty speaks again, directing it at TJ this time. "I'm a coward, man. That's why I stormed out of Metcalf's office. Here you are taking all this bullshit for coming out and all I could put on this shirt was "Parent Issues?" And then I watched as Kira humiliated you. Cyrus and Buffy, jumped to your defense but I said nothing because part of me was worried that if I spoke, somehow she would know my secret too. I'm supposed to be your best friend, the person who understands what you are going through the most." Slowly, the three who didn't know about Marty were beginning to get it. Marty is trans.

"You shouldn't have to come out if you don't want too. It is a deeply personal decision. It's okay, you know that right?" TJ speaks, forgetting his hurt for a moment. 

"No it is not." He pushes his tray away. :I'm suddenly not hungry." He gets up and walks away. Buffy goes after him.

They pass the rest of lunch in an awkward tension, no one quite knowing what to say. TJ was still holding onto Cyrus like his life depended on it. The remainder of the school day was more of the same. Cyrus and TJ had no afternoon classes together so TJ had to endure the prying stares alone. 

At the end of the day, Cyrus met him by his locker. Cyrus always met him by his locker after school. TJ has basketball practice today and Cyrus usually sits in, and watches. Cyrus knows that today is different though. He bites his bottom lip, looking up at TJ to say something.

"I'm skipping practice today…" 

"Teej, you never miss a practice." Cyrus replies while taking taking TJ's hand. 

"Well there is a first time for everything. I just can't today." It feels like it is hard to breathe. TJ barely recognizes his own choked voice.

"Okay. Wanna just come back to my house?" 

"Yea...I would like that.

***************  
That is how they ended up here, on Cyrus' living room couch. Barely touched cups of hot chocolate sit on the coffee table. TJ has his face buried into Cyrus chest, as the brunette's arm rest over TJ's shoulder.The position is a little uncomfortable on the narrow couch, but TJ doesn't seem to mind

After a long time sitting in silence, Cyrus swears it feels like his shirt is wet where TJ's face is. Then he hears a stifled whimper. "Teej?" He whispers.

"I'm fine…" A broken voice answers without looking up at Cyrus.

Cyrus frowns slightly. He can tell his boyfriend had been crying. "I said the same thing yesterday and we both know I was lying." His voice is soft and understanding.

"Kira was right." TJ says into Cyrus' shirt. "I am not a good person."

"What are you talking about?" Cyrus whispers.

"Think about it Cy. I am reckless and dumb a lot of the times. Like there is that stupid basketball thing. I should've thought about that before coming out. I fucked myself. Then I didn't even think about what spot I was putting Marty in by coming out. I didn't think about his feelings." More tears hit Cyrus' shirt. TJ's breathing is irregular and he is choking back sobs but he keeps on. "Muffin, up until a year ago, I was as mean as Kira is. Some of the kids at school still act scared when they see me, like it's an instinct. I did that. I'm the one that made them scared of me. I didn't deserve a second chance."

"TJ...no. I am sorry but you are wrong." Cyrus says soothingly. "I believe that most people deserve a second chance, including you. You are nothing like Kira. There are plenty of "mean" kids who are so much more, once you take the time to see it. Like Amber. Like you. But there are some people who are just mean. Kira fits in that category. She likes to hurt people and that's it. But you have put so much work into showing the world how good you can be. "

"But Cyrus…" TJ begins to protest before being cut off.

"No, you are going to listen to me. TJ, what you did today was so brave...and you did it for me. You are so selfless. You wanted me to feel loved right?" 

The blonde awkwardly nods his head against TJ's chest. "Of course, because you are loved."

"Exactly. And so are you. I love you so much for so many reasons. You didn't deserve what happened to you. Kira is literally the WORST. Those players on your team are just cowards who want to wear you down because they can't see how amazing you are. And your coach was wrong to take their side. I hate that they said those kids said that stuff to you." Cyrus sounds genuinely angry for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing. "Please know, you did nothing wrong today...and as for the kids who are still scared of you? Just keep being a good person, they will come around. I did. So did Buffy and everyone else that loves you as their friend." Cyrus' arm is holding TJ against him, threatening to never let go.

TJ lifts his head slightly so he can actually look at his boyfriend's face. "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" Cyrus replied, taking in the glassy, red puffy eyes looking up at him. The soft greens still managed to shine through tear sore eyes.

"You know just the right things to say to make me feel better, no matter what I am going through. That's why I didn't want to leave your side today. I am sorry if I was clingy. It is just…"

"Just what, Teej?" Cyrus pushes him gently to go on.

"Okay, so uh, this is going to sound dumb, so stay with me. You know when you are lifting like a really heavy box or something, how it is easier if you had someone else to help you? Like you can carry if alone but you don't want to. That's kind of how I felt today. Everything was so heavy and I know it is selfish but I needed your help to carry it." He looks away, slightly embarrassed by what he said.

"That wasn't selfish...I am your boyfriend. Kind of part of the deal. I will always be there to help you carry anything that is too heavy…" He quickly adds "Emotion wise, of course. This body was not made to care actual heavy boxes, that is a Buffy thing." He laughs and for the first time all day, he hears TJ laugh too.

"Cyrus?" TJ asks after a moment.

"Yea?"

"Thank you…" That's the only thing that leaves his mouth before putting his head back down against Cyrus. They stay like that for a while.


	6. It is My Choice

Marty felt so stupid running off from his friends like that. He just doesn't know what else to do right now. He knows TJ isn't mad at him for not coming out. He knows that TJ is right about it being his choice to make about when or if he wants people to know he is trans. He understands this all objectively. But  _ knowing  _ something  doesn't necessarily change how you feel, and right now Marty feels like a coward. 

 

He ran off from the lunch table leaving his very confused friends to piece together what just happened. When he finally stopped running, he finds himself under the bleachers around the football field. He collapses onto the patchy grass under the metal seats above him. Usually running helps him feel better, at least for a bit, but not today. 

 

He had been doing so well, the past few months. He finally got out of that emotionally exhausting and abusive household where he couldn't be himself. He had formed a really great friendship with TJ. And most excitingly of all, he was finally dating the girl that has been invading his dreams every night for the past year and a half.  He should be the happiest he has ever been, but right now, in this moment, every negative thought that has ever crossed his mind about himself, is racing through his brain.

 

He feels so angry. He wants to blame someone else. Maybe it was his parents for fucking him up and causing all this internalized guilt for just being himself? Maybe he was mad at the few kids at school for being so hateful towards TJ for coming out, that made him terrified to do the same. Maybe he was mad at TJ for coming up with this stupid shirt idea in the first place? 

 

No. None of these were it. He was mad at himself for not being brave and he was mad that he lived in a world where you had to be brave to be open about being trans. He couldn't just be open with an expectation of no one having a problem because there was always going to be people who wouldn't be kind. It's really not fair. When you are born and the hospital assigns your gender, nobody questions it. But if you go against that assignment, it's a whole damn thing.

 

As he is mauling this over, only making himself more and more upset, he sees someone sit down beside him out of the corner of his eye. "Buffy, you didn't need to follow me."

 

"I mean, I kind of did. I don't know for sure but I am pretty sure it's part of the whole girlfriend job." She smiles, trying to lighten the mood. The boy sitting beside her, doesn't look. He anxiously messes with his shoe lace, while remaining silent.

 

"Marty, Kira is a mean, horrible person. Those things she said to TJ and Cyrus were inexcusable. But you didn't do anything wrong." She rests her hand on his knee.

 

"Well that doesn't change the fact that I stood there and did nothing, Buffy. You literally got in school suspension for standing up to Kira and I was a coward." He says, eyes not leaving the patch of ground below him.

 

"Marty…that's not true. You are not a cowa… "

 

"I don't need you to lie to me." He interrupts, coming off way angrier than attended.

 

She looks a little stunned at how harshly he talked to her but tries to brush it off. She knows he isn't really mad at her. She takes a deep breath. "I'm not lying to you, you aren't a coward. Its okay to protect yourself against toxic people like Kira. TJ and Cyrus know you care and they definitely don't blame you for not saying anything. It's your choice to come out on your terms."

 

He clutches a clump of grass and dirt. "Everyone keeps saying that to me, that it's my choice. Like it is that simple! But it's not. I feel like my head wants to do a 1000 different things at once. I don't want it to be some secret but it scares me to think of anyone besides our friends finding out. This would be so much better if I was born cis. If I didn't have to hide behind tight binders and loose shirts to be myself. " An angry tear forms in the corner of his eye. He quickly pushes his palm against it, pressing so hard he sees specs of color. "Jesus Christ."

 

Buffy opens her mouth to speak but is at a loss for words. She quickly closes it again. She doesn't know how to help him. He clears his throat. "I'm going to go."

 

"What about your afternoon classes?"

 

"What about them?" He says coldly before turning and walking away. Buffy, against every instinct she has to meddle, let's him walk away.

 

***********

Marty really doesn't know what his plan was, walking off from school like that. He knows his aunt won't be very happy about it when she finds out, but he didn't really care. He needed to be away from that school. He does regret how he treated Buffy though. She didn't deserve for him to treat her so coldly.

 

He walks for a while, careful to avoid main streets so he doesn't get caught. He doesn't know who he can talk to. The two people he usually turned to, he couldn't. He had blown off Buffy and TJ had his own shit to deal with right now. He thought about running, maybe take some things off his mind but that was too risky in the middle of the school day. So he decides to just go home...but not to his aunt's house.

 

He was headed to his parents house. He knew they both were at work right now so he would be alone. But also since they were at work, the house was locked. Luckily his old bedroom window was at the back of the house. So when he got there, all he had to do to get in was climb the tree and crawl in through the window.

 

When he stepped foot into his old room, it seemed unrecognizable. His parents quickly erased all remnants of ever having a child. The blue walls had been painted a deep burgundy. There were 2 black leather recliners in the corners of the rooms with a large smart TV screen against the opposite walls. There were some other miscellaneous things placed in the room, DVDs, some shelves with tons of books, etc. His parents had basically erased the child they were ashamed of with a room full of stuff that will always be more important to them.

 

With books, and movies, and TV shows, they could choose what they wanted to see. It was in their control. But with Marty, they couldn't control him and force him to be something he was not forever. He was always just going to be an inconvenient thorn in their side.

 

 He suddenly regrets coming here. He doesn't quite understand what he wanted to accomplish. Maybe he was hoping that his bedroom wouldn't of been changed. That they maybe kept it the way he left it because they missed and hoped he came back. He wanted some proof that his parents loved him. But all they did was ignore the fact that they ever had a child. 

 

He feels so angry, and hurt and even worse than he felt at school. He doesn't even know how it happened, but he finds himself walk the room, when he stops at a small framed picture on the side table next to one of the chairs. It is a picture of his mom and dad, but it looks familiar. He takes the backing off the frame and pulls the picture out. His heart drops into his stomach when he realizes that the picture had been folded to cut him off. It had been their family picture from the year before where his mom had forced him to where something "more feminine." 

 

He hated the picture because he didn't look or feel like himself in it. But it hurts more to know that now, his parents were just hiding him and existence.  He puts the picture back the way he found it. In his head he knew he should just leave but apparently his body did not want to listen.

 

Without thinking, he picked the picture back up and chucked it across the room where it hit the TV, busting it before the picture fell to the ground, glass from the frame shattering. Once he got started, he couldn't stop, he let his anger take hold of him. He knocked over books and movies, and broke the nearby lamp in the process. He trashed the room.

 

Then he was left standing in the middle of the chaos he created. The floor littered with the objects his own parents valued over him. He took it all in. He hoped this would make him feel better but it didn't. It just served as a reminder that the people that created him, saw this trash that surrounded him as worth more than him. That he was less than trash. 

 

Well he wasn't about to let them ignore him any more. They could hate him but couldn't just stamp him out. With what he had done, they couldn't just push him to the back burner. He grabs a sharpie that has ended up on the floor and in big black letters across the wall he wrote "DO YOU SEE ME NOW?" and with that, he climbed out the window and headed far away from that house.

 

**************

It was a few more hours until he finally headed back to his aunt's house. While he was out his phone died. He walks in to find her waiting at the kitchen table. She looks concerned.

 

"Marty?" She whispers. 

 

He turns to her with blood shot eyes. He had been crying on and off since he left his old home. His voice cracks. "What?"

 

"I've gotten some interesting phone calls today." Her face looks apprehensive. Her voice is soft and caring. He can tell that she isn't mad at him as much as she was concerned. "Why did you leave school? Why did you go your parent's house? Your mom called."

 

He looks away. He takes a sharp, pained, breath. He tries to choke something out, but his words get stuck in his throat. He felt terrible for putting his aunt in this situation. He wishes this didn't affect her but it does.

 

If she is upset about that fact, she doesn't show it. She can see how hurt her nephew is and that is the only thing she cares about. She gets up without a word and wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He sniffled lightly again her shoulder. She doesn't say a thing, just gives him her unconditional love.

 

After standing there for a while, he quietly whispered, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry for causing any problems for you with my parents…"

 

"Baby, it's okay. I got it handle, okay?" Unknown to him, when his mom threatened to press charges on the phone, his aunt reminded her she could take her to court for child abandonment and child support.

 

"Okay. And um...thank you." He says timidly. 

 

"For what?" She smiles

 

"For caring about me…" He says as he steps to walk away. He doesn't really want to talk more now. "Hey...um...can we talk later? I kind of wanna lay down." He asks.

 

"Yea, of course." She says as he walks up to his room and shuts his door. He collapses on his bed and tries to clear his mind. It is not working out that well.

 

After more of an hour of silence, he hears a knock on his door. It pulls him out of his head. He yells to whoever is outside the door. "Yeah?" 

 

"Marty, it's me."

 

He scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. "Buffy? What are you doing here?"

 

"Your aunt let me in. Can I open your door?" Her voice sounds like she is trying to be positive but it is tinged with worry.

 

He clears his throat, "Yeah, come in."

 

"Hey." Buffy says as she pushes the door open enough for her to come in before closing it behind her. She steps closer to the edge of his bed. "Can I sit?"

 

"Um sure, look Buffy, I'm sorry." He starts as she sits on his bed, half facing him. "I'm sorry that I just left earlier. I shouldn't have just ran away. I was kind of a jerk to you too."

 

"Yeah you were." She jokes. "But that's not why I'm here." Her voice gets more destressed. "Marty, you really had me worried. You ran off and weren't answering your calls."

 

"I'm...sorry." He exhales into an annoyed sigh but it wasn't aimed at Buffy. It was aimed at himself. "My phone died."

 

Buffy reaches forward and grabs Marty hand. "It's okay, I just care about you a lot."

 

Marty tries to joke. He puts on a half smile and says "Watch it, Driscoll, you getting soft on me?" 

 

She chuckles back. Keeping her voice low, she implored, "So, what did you do?"

 

He quickly looks away while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Something stupid…" He confesses.

 

"You wouldn't be the first person to do something stupid today. I got myself in school suspension...with Kira" She says in disgust.

 

"I broke into my parents house?" He continues to not look at her.

 

'Marty...why? What if you would of got caught?" Her eyebrows are raised in a mixture of confusion and surprise.

 

He finally meets her eye. "Yeah, I didn't think that far. But they weren't home so they didn't see me."

 

"Oh good so they don't know you were there?" 

 

He lets out a dry laugh. "Oh no, they definitely know I was there."

 

"What...did...you...do?" Emphasizing each word with a pause.

 

He places his other hand over Buffy's so that her hand is sandwiched between his. "It just happened, Buff." His voice sounded weak and defeated. "I went into my room to see if it changed. And it definitely did. They got rid of anything I didn't take with me. They made it a home theater. They purposely  blotched out any reminder that I ever occupied space in their lives. They even cut me out a stupid family picture." His breath sounded more labored now like he was trying to keep himself together and force himself not to cry.

 

"Marty, I'm so, so sorry…" She says, kicking off her shoes, so she could scoot closer onto the bed. She removes her hand from his, just for it to reappear on his shoulder a few moments, arm pulling him tight.

 

"I just wanted to believe that my parents really did love and we would someday get past this. But I don't think we ever will…and when I saw all that stuff, I was so angry. So I wrecked the room. I don't even know why. But part of me hoped that at least I could get some reaction off of them. Something so I could pretend that they care. But they don't."

 

"Well they didn't deserve to have a son as funny, and athletic, and...sweet…" She smiles into the word  "...as you. I mean that, okay? Your parents made their choice, and now they will never get to see all the great things you are going to do."

 

He can't help but smile at her words. He really is lucky to have the people who chose to stay in his life. "Hey, guess what?" His mood is notably lighter. 

 

"What?"

 

"One good thing came out of today. I realize I have a lot bigger problems than some terrible kids at school. At the end of the day, they are just other kids. It's nowhere near as bad as full grown adults hating you for just existing, especially when they are your parents. So…" he trails off.

 

"So what?" She urges for him to finish.

 

"So I'm going to come out tomorrow. I know some kids are going to be assholes  but Like you said…They made their choice. And I am making mine."

 

"Marty, are you sure?" She asks, to verify if that is what he really wants.

 

"Yeah. I'm tired of so much of my life being dictated by fear. I don't have to worry about people finding out if they already know. Even if it is terrible, I know my girlfriend and my friends have my back." His voice changes to a more silly competitive tone, "Plus TJ is already beating me on this coming out thing, so I really gotta step up my game." He cracks a goofy grin.

 

Buffy laughs before resting her head on his shoulder. "You are really full of surprises, Marty…"

 

"What can I say? I am." He holds onto her too.

 

***********

The next morning, Buffy meets Marty at his house so they can walk to school together. As they get closer to the school, Buffy asks "Are you ready?"

 

"As ready as I'll ever be." He admits.

 

"What's your plan?"

 

"I think I'm just going to wing it?"

 

"Which means?" She asks as they climb the steps leading into the school. 

 

"Not sure." He answers before opening the door to the crowded, busy hallway. They spot their friends in the hallway. TJ is still glued to Cyrus' side more than usual but he looks like he looks happier today. When Jonah, Andi, Cyrus, and TJ notice Buffy and Marty, they immediately smile over to them.

 

He can't help but feel great in that moment. He had friends who really cared about him even after he accidentally outed himself to them yesterday. Buffy has his hand in hers as they walk closer. A few feet from them though, he stops, drops Buffy's hand and turns to face the hallway, packed with students. He clears his throat loudly before speaking over everyone in there. "Hey excuse me?"

 

Andi walks close to Buffy and whispers "What is he doing?"

 

"I think he's winging it?" She says back equally as quiet. Her attention turns back to Marty as he continues.

 

"I just want everyone in here to know that I'm trans. I'm trans guy. And no I don't want any weird questions. Google it."

 

Moments later, a few chuckles leave the now quiet hallway. But when Buffy moves forward and stands next to him, the laughs go quiet. Most likely because they saw what she did to Kira. 

 

"So no one has a problem,right?" He finishes, looking around, trying to hide his overwhelming sense of anxiety. But before long, the hallway chatter starts back up seemingly not fazed by the revelation. He feels better at the lack of reaction. 

 

The rest of his friends step closer. TJ goes and stands in front of him. "That was sudden."

 

"Well a lot of things came into perspective last night." Marty smiles.

 

"So...l I guess we are doing this coming out thing together?" TJ's voice is full of relief but will never admit to it if you ask him. He is just happy to be going  through this with his best friend.

 

"I guess so, man." He lets out an airy laugh through his nose.

 

"And you have all of us, too." Buffy says, taking her boyfriend's hand, with Cyrus nodding and doing the same to TJ. Andi and Jonah also smile in agreement.Marty realizes that in this moment,  it can really only get better from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I know every trans persons experiences are different. This is just pulling from my experience. Please know 8f you aren't passing or don't want to pass, you are still so valid and loved


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